Mar. 2nd, 2010

zebee: (Default)
So I turned on ABC iView, which is their "watch our stuff on your computer" thingy and saw episode 1 of a new thing "Sanctuary".

Started off OK, seemed good production values, got me in...

But oh dear.

It's an urban fantasy show, hero being a "forensic psychiatrist" who also seems to be psychic in some way. Is attached to police unit, gets involved in murder investigation, is sure there's something more to it... and gets picked up by Mysterious Stranger.

Who can't act her way out of a paper bag.

OK, I dunno anyone's going to be able to say her lines convincingly but she certainly can't.

Add to that a massive Gothic mansion, 3 storey high rooms, staircases, umpteen levels below ground which you get to by a steampunk looking lift. First thing I thought was 'so who does the dusting then?"

It seems the place is a Sanctuary for various creatures that roam the earth. Werewolves and so on.

Down under the mansion is a zoo effect full of things like a mermaid and a lizard man, who (given the surroundings) are no doubt mad from the solitary confinement now if they weren't before. No sign of who does the dusting here either... never mind cleaning the cages! There's a couple of vaguely hairy guys who I suspect are going to be some kind of comic relief.

Meanwhile there's a blonde in skintighti1] leathers on a motorcycle who leaves said motorcycle and helmet in a back alley and expects to get 'em back. So far my disbelief has to be suspended so high it's stratospheric... but then said blonde is some kind of kickarse fighter too. Yeah. OK. Not in skintight leathers dearie.

She turns out to be daughter of Mysterious Stranger With The Army Of Invisible Cleaners, and there's a cringeworthy mother/daughter scene where kid is teeny bit rebellious cos wants to go shopping for hollowpoints. I have given up suspending disbelief, it's not possible.

Oh and there's a tall thin man with a scarred face (as one must have in these productions) who is clearly a bad guy (if you didn't know from the scar) because he turns into a sort of firey mist to go through locked doors.

It started out well. Decent acting, reasonable production, even the kid who did the killings with his toothed penis (I am not *quite* making this up) wasn't bad. I even coped with the hinting at psychic powers bit. But oh... once Mysterious Stranger turned up with her costume and hair hinting at her being a Witch (the hat, the black straight hair) it started going bad. The Huge Gothic Pile (I wonder what the rates are on that thing? Not to mention the electricity bill, given the equipment it must have its own substation) made it worse, the Sassy Blonde With The Boobs didn't help, and the dialogue
(unbelievable if done well, impossible in that "i'm reading this from autocue" drone) just topped it off.

As you can imagine, I don't think I'll be watching episode 2.

Zebee


[1] skintight and butter soft meaning she's going to be saying "hello nurse" and "I wish I'd got the real thing rather than this
shit" one day... But this is TV, she's there for the middleaged men to perve on.

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